Memories
by TheCupcakeViking
Summary: A collection of one-shot's with featuring Kazumi and her interactions with other canon-characters and OC's. Rating varies and so does the world where they take place.
1. Chapter 1 - First Date

**Disclaimer: I still do not own Naruto, though I'm trying to invent a machine that can transport me into the Narutoverse. This story, the plot, Kazumi and all other OC's that may or may not pop up belongs to me. Don't mess with them, folks.**

 **Warning: None really, besides a few death threats and a few bad words.**

 **Rating: T**

 **Note: This one-shot is about Kazumi (duh) going on her first date and all the mayhem that may evoke. Kazumi is fiften in this chapter and Kenta is seventeen. I don't know exactly where in the timeline this is set but it takes place in the Narutoverse.**

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Amari Kazumi loved her family very much, she forcefully reminded herself as she smiled an apologizing smile to the young man standing in front of her who'd invited her on a date that very same evening. Behind her was her father, Kisame and Hidan, glaring menacingly down their noses at the young man, who'd broken into a sweat at their evil antics.

"You better not touch her at all, pipsqueak." Kisame growled at the younger male who paled at the promised threat behind his words.

"You fucking touch her and you will be fucking pissing like a bitch for the rest of your fucking life." Hidan pitched in and let some killing intent leak from him.

As if the poor guy wasn't close to a heart attack before, he certainly was now. He slowly – and very hesitantly – moved his eyes to the tall, dark-skinned male that was undoubtedly the father of his date. His lips were set in a thin line, even though the male couldn't see that for the mask that covered his face. His entire posture was a telltale sign of his disapproving of him.

"You break her heart and those two idiots beside me, will be the least of your problems." Kakuzu told his daughter's date, his voice grave and serious. "No one will be able to find you, _ever_ , if so much as a hair on her head is hurt."

At this point the guy – whose name was Kenta or some unimportant shit like that – could feel his heart beating fast and painfully against his ribcage. Kazumi clasped her hands together and bid her family goodbye with a peck of her lips on each of their chins and just as Kenta thought he could escape, a shrill voice carried through the house and out the door. Kazumi positively deflated like a balloon at the sound of her name.

"Kazumiiii …" the shrill voice called in an almost otherworldly tone.

The sound made Kenta's blood freeze in his veins, when a very feminine looking blonde guy suddenly appeared in the doorframe, pushing the three others aside in order to get to the fifteen-year-old girl, ignoring the youth beside her. The single greyish-bluish eye visible was shiny with tears and he was biting down on a napkin in his hand.

"You can't leeeave meeee, Kazumiiii." The guy wailed as his taller frame nearly melted against the girl.

"Dei-nii …" Kazumi deadpanned as she shot Kenta embarrassed glances.

"Whyyy are you leaving me, un?" the guy called Dei-whatever whined.

Kazumi rolled her eyes and looked around the shoulder of the blonde at the three others. Kenta followed her eyes and noticed three more newcomers and he adopted a blank look as his eyes swept over a lollipop-masked man, a man with a face so devoid of any expression, he could make a rock cry, and a redhead with hazel colored eyes and a bored look on his face.

Kazumi was about to say something, when the guy with the expressionless face held a hand up to stop her from saying anything. He turned his coal colored eyes on Kenta, seizing the younger male up. A small smugly looking smirk appeared on the man's face though it took a couple of seconds longer for Kenta recognize the expression.

"72 hours of torture if I hear you disgraced her." The man said and for a moment, Kenta swore that he could see a flash of red instead of the blackness in the man's eyes.

As if it was completely normal to threaten another human the way he had just done – the way they had _all_ done – he nodded once at the male and retreated back into the house, disappearing from sight. The redhead smiled at Kenta, who shivered at the menace leaking from the shorter guy.

"I could use a new puppet." He informed Kenta and the mysterious sentence had Kenta even more on edge.

"Tobi thinks Baka-kun shouldn't be a bad boy and make Kazumi-chan cry." The masked lollipop-face chirped and Kenta almost sighed in relief at the sound of someone who _did not_ threaten him … that is until lollipop-face bounced towards him. "Tobi is very good at making things disappear, Baka-kun."

The guy tilted his head slightly to his right and that last sentence contradicted the happy-go-lucky aura around the masked man. With a bounce in his step he too retreated back into the house with the redhead following, after said redhead forced the blonde to let go of the young girl and dragged him with him. At first, the blonde kept wailing and then he began screaming obscurities about him not even being worth turning into a piece of art but he would blow him to pieces anyway.

Kazumi let out a shaky breath as she sent the three men in the doorframe a strained smile and quickly grabbed him by his arm and positively dragged him after him. The killingintent spiked at the touch and Kenta wondered whether or not he could come out of this encounter with the beautiful girl by his side, alive.

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The silence had become kind of awkward after him meeting his family back at her place and when they arrived at the small restaurant he'd planned they would eat at, it had gotten so uncomfortable, that the waiters was sending them strange looks. As they sat down in front of a window, a waiter came and mutely handed them the menu as she disappeared again.

At last, Kenta had gotten fed up with the awkwardness of the unexpected family meeting and threat, and raked his brain for anything to lighten up the mood. He faked a cough into his hand and she looked up with those strange and unique eyes he found so enthralling.

"Your family seems very …" his voice broke as he tried to find the right word, without insulting anyone. " … uh … _protective_ of you."

So far so good, the young man thought and even saw a small, but without any doubt, fond smile on her face as her family entered her thoughts.

"Very." She agreed but the softness of her voice wasn't to be mistaken. "They meant it well, you know. Don't think too much about what they said. They didn't mean it." She added in the same soft tone.

"It's okay, Kazumi-chan." He was quick to assure her, although he didn't quite believe her when she said they didn't mean it. "They're your family." He added lamely as if that had been an excuse for threatening him.

She smiled softly at him and tugged a strand of curly, dark brown hair behind her ear and bit her lip as she skimmed the menu. He watched her with a goofy smile and when she looked up at him, he quickly averted his eyes, pretending to read the menu.

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Back at base, Akatsuki was gathered in the living room, impatiently awaiting the return of Zetsu to find out what had transpired between their little girl and that damned brat who would probably seduce and hurt their princess.

When the plant man finally appeared, he was grinning wickedly as he eyed the gathered members.

"You guys gave the boy quite the scare." The white side of Zetsu informed them with the snickering of black Zetsu as background music. " **He was nervous during the entire date and was hesitant to even touching her by accident.** " Black Zetsu snickered.

A sound of relief echoed throughout the room, when they noticed the even more wicked smirk on Zetsu. They narrowed their eyes at the bipolar man and a sense of dread filled every single one of them.

" **He kissed her though.** " Black Zetsu said and managed to make it sound as if he was taunting them.

It took a full minute and a half before chaos erupted. Hidan began shrieking profanities and swinging his scythe around, Kisame unwrapped Samehada with a animalistic sounding growl, Itachi began to furiously sharpen his weapons, Deidara brought forth his C4-clay, Sasori found his scrolls containing all his puppets, Tobi's single eye glinted red and Kakuzu … Kakuzu looked ready to murder the boy in the most horrifying way possible.

How dared that little piece of shit place his stinky, slimy, ugly ass lips on his daughter?

That boy was dead meat.

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 **Hello lovelies.**

 **First, my muses for the other stories have been brutally killed and I am currently trying to bring them back to life but it isn't going well right now. No, they will NOT be abandoned - none of my stories will - I just can't write more than a few words whenever I try to. I feel horrible for doing this to you guys, especially because I hate to disappoint you ... **

**Just know that the stories will be finished. That goes for ALL of them. However, I will try and see if writing one-shots for this baby right here will help my muses back to life. **

**Second, this story is made up from one-shots. As the title so blatantly say, these one-shots are memories (or something). It will range widely between all the ratings and I will put the rating for the chapter up with the 'disclaimer' and that.**

 **The place of the one-shots ranges between our world and the Narutoverse.**

 **I don't know what more to say other than I'm working on those chapters for the other stories.**

 **Review, please. Your support is very much appreciated and loved.**


	2. Chapter 2 - Pranking the Uchiha

**Dislaimer:** I do not own Naruto. I'm just borrowing it.

 **Warning:** Death treats... Kazumi... In other words, there's no need for a warning...

 **Rating:** T

 **Note:** Kazumi is simply being Kazumi. Semi-important A/N at the bottom.

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The youngest Uchiha took one look in the mirror, halted and stared fully attentive at his own reflection. His brain tried to process the sight which had him in such a speechless state and when it finally did, Sasuke grabbed his beloved sword and stalked out of the room in the hideout, a cloud of thunder hanging above his head.

"I'm going to fucking kill her!" he growled murderously because he knew without a doubt who the culprit was.

Because there was only one idiot brave (or stupid, depending on who you asked) enough to dare mess with him like this. And he would make sure she was punished for her insensitive and way-over-the-line prank.

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Orochimaru could never really understand how the dynamics between Uchiha Sasuke and Amari Kazumi worked, because they certainly seemed like they hated each other with a passion but if needed be, they were also the first to defend each other.

Kazumi seemed to have made it her life mission to make the Uchiha miserable and Sasuke appeared to get an unhealthy amount of pleasure out of kicking her around whenever the teen thought it time to teach Kazumi exactly where her place was in the hierarchy. In turn, Orochimaru thought that Kazumi lacked the normal survival instincts that ensured most peoples survival.

"Orochimaru, hide me." Kazumi frantically said as she barged into his private lab without even knocking.

Orochimaru wondered what she had done to Sasuke this time and watched as the teenager searched for a place she could hide herself from the, no doubt, furious Uchiha.

"Over there." Orochimaru told her and waved towards a few cabinets in which she had to squeeze herself into.

For his own amusement, he thought. The two teenagers did bring some life into his base and it could be rather entertaining to watch their antics from time to time.

Barely fifteen minutes passed when Sasuke, also barging, entered his lab and Orochimaru seriously doubted Kazumi would be able to move for quite a long time when Sasuke was done with her.

"Where is she?" Sasuke demanded from the Sannin.

"Ah, I believe she had promised Kabuto to help him out with some especially difficult subjects." He told the young Uchiha and turned to fully look at him.

"Look what she has done to my face." Sasuke half-shouted and waved his hands at his own face. "The little shit is dead when I'm done with her." He added as he bared his teeth in anger.

And dear Kami above, Kazumi must've had a field day with this prank because seeing the Uchiha with small pigtails all over his hair, each of them adorned with cute little ribbons in various colors, a heavy layer of make-up that made him look like a mix between a drag queen and a little girl had even Orochimaru chuckling slightly.

"She did quite the job with you." He agreed and to his endless amusement the youngest Uchiha turned beet red. "It suits you quite nicely." He continued on, no little amount of teasing in his voice.

"It does not. It's hideous. It looks like it's a five-year-old who did it." Sasuke argued and his furious expression turned into one of smug satisfaction when an indignant shriek of protest sounded from one of the cabinets, closely followed by a panicked shout of 'oh shit'.

Sasuke stalked to the cabinets and slammed the door of one of it open, watching as the younger teenager gave him a somewhat innocent smile and a little wave.

"Oh, hey there, Sasuke-chan." She with only a small quiver in her voice. "I didn't see you there."

"Look at my face." Sasuke demanded at her and growled when Kazumi squinted her eyes as if she couldn't see a thing.

"Yes, you have a very handsome face, Sasuke-chan." Kazumi nodded and Sasuke only vaguely noted the compliment. "I have no doubt men fall flat on their arse whenever you walk by them, Sasuko-chan."

Sasuke grabbed the collar of her shirt and dragged her out of the cabinet, ignoring her small pained grunt when she fell flat on her arse. He let go of her collar and stared down his nose at her, reveling in the way she squirmed at his feet.

"I hope it is worth the pain." He told her and just for a moment, a spark of defiance made her eyes shine even brighter.

A bright light blended him for a moment and he took a small step back, surprised, and then cursed when he heard the telltale sound of a camera taking a picture. Kazumi was surprisingly fast on her feet and out the door and only a heartbeat passed between them before Sasuke was hot on her heels. That picture had to be destroyed at all cost and Kazumi put properly in her place after that.

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 _Dear tou-san,_

 _I have been doing great since my last letter. I'm helping Kabuto with some of the more difficult subjects and in return he teaches me a little bit of medical ninjutsu and plants. I can now make a poison that can literally melt the flesh off the bones._

 _He claims I'm one of his best students ever._

 _Duck Ass keeps being an ass. I have yet to find the stick up his ass and pull it out but worry not, I will keep searching until my mission has been accomplished._

 _We also got a new roomie. Her name is Sasuko-chan and I'll tell you, she is a foul tempered one. Doesn't appreciate my artistic streak one bit._

 _I hope you and the others are well. I miss you all so much._

 _Love,_

 _Kazumi_

Kakuzu stared at the letter he had gotten from his daughter and then at the picture she'd send along with it. In just the letter there was plenty of things that worried him to no end, like, Kabuto teaching her how to make something entirely unnecessary like a poison that can melt of the flesh.

If he knew his daughter half as well as he thought he did, he knew that nothing good could come from Kazumi being able to make such a lethal weapon.

Next was the matter with the cross-dressing Uchiha. He looked to Zetsu who was laughing at the picture. Hidan grabbed both the letter and the picture from Kakuzu and after taking one look at the picture of the youngest Uchiha, the priest was on the floor, laughing so hard, tears fell down his cheeks.

Soon enough, after the picture had been seen by everyone, even the older Uchiha smiled slightly, everyone was either laughing out loud, on the floor laughing out loud or snickering.

Kakuzu though had more serious questions on his mind.

"Are she still alive?" he demanded from the bipolar plant man with no small amount of panic growing within him. "And how did she seem mentally?"

It took Zetsu awhile before he was able to assure the worried father that yes, his beloved daughter was still very much alive though he did leave out the bruises and small wounds he'd seen on her when he had come to collect her weekly letter, and yes, she had appeared to be as mentally healthy as someone like Kazumi could be.

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 **A/N**

So... I'm a horrible author for just leaving you all hanging like that and I have no other excuse besides life has been really difficult. A lot has happened since last time I updated and while I do not feel entirely ready to talk about it, I will admit that the happiness I got every time I would write just hasn't been there for some time now. I have been horribly depressed and even though I am very much aware that it doesn't excuse me from disappearing for such a long time with no heads up for my lovely readers, I ask you all for your understanding and forgiveness.

I feel horrible, truly, I do.

I hope that you will all enjoy this little one-shot.

Love you all. Lots and lots.

TheCupcakeViking


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** I still do not own Naruto.

 **Warning:** Kazumi... OOC'ness... poorly written story while being sleep-deprived...

 **Rating:** I'm not so sure, lol, so let's say a M just to be sure, yeah?

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The Jūbi.

The motherfucking goddamned Jūbi which looked like a huge, snail-turkey hybrid or something, was what they were trying to defeat. Did none of these dimwits _feel_ the chakra? No one?

Kakuzu had never been one to swear much. Hidan did that for him and even _Kazumi_ had begun to swear like there was no tomorrow – which, by the looks of it, there weren't – and thus Kakuzu simply didn't feel there was a reason for him to be as foulmouthed as his moronic partner and teenaged daughter.

Right now, in that very moment, however, Kakuzu swore like there was no goddamned tomorrow – which, again, there probably wasn't.

Then there was a sound of a squirrel dying and Kakuzu felt like life itself was out to kill him. He glanced around, trying to catch a glimpse of his daughter whom he'd _forbidden_ to take part in this battle. Unsurprisingly, she was currently latched onto a slightly disturbed looking Nidaime Hokage. With a growl, Kakuzu stomped all the way to the reanimated group of Hokage's – the Shodaime Hokage looked like someone had punched him in the stomach when he caught sight of Kakuzu – and practically _peeled_ his hormonal daughter of the walking corpse.

She looked at him with an expression like a child who'd been denied their favorite toy.

Kakuzu was immune to her wounded, kicked-puppy face by now, so he simply held her up by the back of her clothes, dangling her a good few inches up in the air. Then he looked around the gathered shinobi who had enough sense of self-preservation to get out of his immediate reach.

Funny that, seeing as they were currently _fighting the fucking Jūbi!_

"Who the fuck let her come here? I gave a very clear reason as to _why_ my daughter isn't allowed at the battlefield." He snarled, his face promising absolute _agony_ for the dimwitted, suicidal idiot who'd been stupid enough to actually allow Kazumi to come to the battlefield.

"Aww, tou-chan, don't be like that," Kazumi whined in his grip and Kakuzu was _this_ close to shake her like a ragdoll. "I promise I won't assault anyone."

More than one dubious look was directed towards her at that comment. Kazumi harrumphed and crossed her arms, pouting.

"Why? If she can fight, she should," the blond Hokage said, eyeing father and daughter with a calculating look. "We'll need all the help we can get if we are going to defeat the Jūbi."

Hidan cackled at that. Even a few of those who knew Kazumi well, chuckled at the ignorance of the blond man.

"Oh, man, you're going to have a fucking seizure when you find out why, blondie," Hidan cackled delightfully, leering at the corpse. "Kazumi is fucking sick in her head and she is a fucking fangirl, and a hardcore one at that. She'll no doubt help the fucking Uchiha if he asked her."

Tobirama narrowed his eyes and frowned at the girl who was squirming in her father's grip. Hashirama looked doubtful, as did most of the Allied Shinobi Forces.

"Now, Kazumi, I am going to let go of you for just one second, alright?" Kakuzu said with a tone used to calm wild animals, and placed the girl on the ground but didn't quite let go.

The present members of Akatsuki and even the youngest Uchiha brat came closer, tensing up and getting ready to lunge at the girl in case she decided to make a run for it. Which, considering it was Kazumi after all, she probably would.

Hidan was still cackling as he watched the youngest, unofficial member of Akatsuki. Sakura sighed and eyed the group with mild amusement.

"You do know you won't catch her if she really decides to hightail it out of here, right?" she asked with a snort and the four dead Hokages and most of those close enough to hear, turned their heads to her in a silent question. "Kazumi-chan is quite amazing with your Hiraishin no Jutsu, Nidaime-sama. In fact, Kazumi-chan's entire fighting style revolves around her being fast, agile and a bully."

Hashirama looked confused, like so many others though many hid it. Sakura sighed again.

"Basically, Kazumi-chan keeps dodging people and taunts them until they somehow manage to kill themselves. It's quite the sight actually. It can be counted on two hands how many time she has truly had to fight." Sakura said thoughtfully.

Tobirama narrowed his eyes at the pink haired medic-nin and then looked to the tanned teenager with the seemingly innocent smile plastered onto her face. Tobirama had a very, very, _very_ strong feeling that the girl was far from innocent.

"And she's a kunoichi?" he demanded, a little horrified with how far the standards of shinobi had fallen.

Sakura nodded with a pleasant smile and grinned at the tanned girl.

"Be careful, Kazumi-chan, and don't do anything I wouldn't." Sakura called and then Kazumi was gone.

Now, while Kazumi's fighting style didn't involve much fighting to be honest, Kazumi did know a decent amount of ninjutsu and was rather skilled in taijutsu – she had to be, Itachi was one of those few who was very hard to rile up enough for him to eliminate himself when they sparred. Kazumi was also fairly good at controlling her chakra and adding it to different parts of her body to either enhance her speed and strength or using it as a weapon.

Many of those skills were useful but one of the things Kazumi could do was use chakra to enhance her voice, making her able to sound an awful much like a megaphone. She had used that ability on more than one occasion to scare the ever-living crap out of all of them at least once.

Of course, she decided to use her chakra for that in a vital battle for humanity such as this.

And since Kazumi was, well, _Kazumi_ , what she decided to share with the entire world, was not something which should be screamed out to the world.

"MADARA-SAMA, I'M COMING FOR YOU AND YOUR DELICIOUS BOOTY! YOU STUD! YOU MAGNICFICENT BEAST OF PURE SEXINESS!" Kazumi screeched as loud as she possibly could.

Collectively, the Allied Shinobi Force winced and blushed. Sakura was snickering, Hidan was _still fucking cackling_ , and Kakuzu… well, Kakuzu was almost having a seizure. _Almost_.

Kazumi continued to screech improper things she wanted to do to the oldest Uchiha present and Madara looked increasingly forlorn about the _very_ descriptive words, the crazy fifteen-year-old teenager was screeching for the _entire goddamned fucking world_ to hear.

With a sigh, Kakuzu let his chin drop down to rest against his collarbone.

He just wanted to go home.

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Obito looked extremely uncomfortable as the human hurricane of hormones and craziness neared them. He was fidgeting and shuffling his feet, eyes jerking around as he frantically attempted to calm his half-panicked mind down a bit.

"You know this… this…" Madara seemed at a loss for words and instead made a motion towards the rapidly nearing teenager.

Obito didn't blame him. There really weren't any words to properly describe Kazumi – at least not anymore. Obito clearly remembered a time when Kazumi had been adorable and sweet though somewhat sarcastic. How in the world she had ended up like, well, _that_ , was a mystery to all of them.

' _And_ this _is the reason why a group of murderous criminals shouldn't be allowed to raise a child._ ' A little voice inside of his head grumbled and Obito agreed wholeheartedly.

"I am… _aware_ of her existence," Obito replied vaguely. "She's hard to forget."

"OBITO-NII-CHAN, HELLOOOOOO! WANNA HAVE A THREESOME WITH MADARA-SAMA AND ME?"

Madara and Obito both blanched and looked down towards where they had last seen the crazy girl. Only, she was gone. In a fit of panic, both men frantically searched for chakra signature, desperate to know of the girl's location.

Then, in true Kazumi-fashion, she appeared in front of them, mid-air with her dark hair spread out behind her like some demonic creature and acid colored eyes shining with unholy glee. She launched herself at Madara, the currently immortal man tensing, and managed to actually _squeeze_ the life – or soul, whatever fits – out of him.

It took only one glance at the horrified Obito from Kazumi and then he had flung himself as far away from the crazed girl he could, not caring that he was, in essential, running away and leaving Madara to fend for himself. The man was immortal, seeing as he was technically dead and would just regenerate himself, whereas _Obito_ … well, while he may not exactly be alive, he was still capable of dying.

If he was meant to die, he would.

Just… not by Kazumi's hands.

Behind him, he heard Madara's loud cursing and Kazumi's delighted and _slightly_ maniacal laughter.

"Get him, Dei-nii. Katsu his ass and teach him not to abandon us again." She screeched delightfully and before Obito truly had time to prepare, Deidara was dropping bombs at him like there was no tomorrow – which there probably wasn't.

All in all, this was the strangest battle the shinobi of the Allied Shinobi Forces had ever fought.

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"Since Kazumi-chan has more or less incapacitated Madara and Obito is currently occupied by Deidara's bombs, does this mean we won?"

"There's still the Jūbi."

"Shodaime-sama trapped it in a large barrier. It's currently incapable of moving anywhere."

"Kazumi-chan?"

"She shunshined herself and Madara away to safety."

There was a moment of silence between the three members of Team 7 and their sensei. Then Kakashi pulled out his orange book.

"It seems like this war is over."

"Thank fucking Kami-sama for that."

Another moment of silence.

"Oi! Jashin-sama is the _only fucking god, you heathens._ "

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"No." Kakuzu crossed his arms over his chest, glowering at his crazy daughter.

"Aww, but tou-chan, I promise I will feed him and walk him and everything," she pouted. "You won't even notice he's there. I promise."

" _It_ is a chakra powerhouse, a _bijuu_ , and you want to keep it as a pet?" Kakuzu demanded with a scowl.

"Yeah. I mean, just _look_ at him. He's like a big racoon. A big, insane, homicidal racoon." Kazumi said and hugged the offending bijuu.

Or, she hugged one of its paws. Perhaps a toe was more like it.

"No." Kakuzu repeated though his determination seemed to waver when she widened her eyes impossibly much and willed tears to gather in the corner of her eyes.

Perhaps he wasn't as immune as he had thought.

"Waifu," Madara greeted as he suddenly appeared beside Kazumi. "Father-in-law."

"WHAT? NO! NO WAY IN HELL THAT IS HAPPENING! NO! NOT A FUCKING SNOWBALLS CHANCE IN HELL!"

On the sides, Akatsuki, most of Konoha's Rookie 9, the Sage of Six Paths and the reanimated Hokages watched in warrying degrees of horror, amusement and disbelief.

"Who do you guys think will win?" Kisame asked as they watched Kakuzu and Madara have a go at it, the miser screaming profanities after profanities at the oldest Uchiha among them.

Obito and Hashirama snorted.

"Madara of course." They chorused loyally.

Hidan cackled at that, even _Sakura_ cackled and more than one of those present would agree that it was downright _disturbing_ to see a young woman with bubblegum colored hair cackle evilly side-by-side with the fanatic priest.

"Don't underestimate Kakuzu-san when it comes to Kazumi-chan." Konan admonished and many of those present agreed with her.

Obito and Hashirama refused to be anything less than loyal to Madara. Then Hashirama began making bets, earning himself a thorough scolding from Tobirama and somewhere in the distance, Tsundade's voice rose above the screams of agony from the wounded shinobi.

"Did someone say bet?" the current blonde Hokage of Konohagakure no Sato hollered, followed by an indignant scream of outrage from her dark-haired assistant.

"TOU-CHAN, DON'T HURT HIM! THIS IS LOVE!"

"YOU'RE FIFTEEN-YEARS-OLD, KAZUMI! YOU'RE TOO YOUNG!"

"LOVE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH AGE!"

"IT HAS WHEN HE'S MORE THAN FIFTY YEARS YOUR SENIOR!"

"AND YOU WERE SIXTY YEARS KAA-CHAN'S SENIOR WHEN YOU KNOCKED HER UP, YOU OLD HYPOCRITE!"

There was a brief moment of stunned silence and then Hidan and Sakura began cackling again, Sasuke and Shino joining the two of them until everyone quietly backed away from the crazy group of maniacs.

"IT'S STILL A NO, FUCKING DAMMIT! WHERE IS THE RESPECT TOWARDS YOUR PARENT, YOU BRAT?"

"YOU'RE TRYING TO SHOWE HIS GUNBAI DOWN HIS THROAT! WHERE IS THE RESPECT TOWARDS ANOTHER HUMAN BEING?"

"HE'S KILLED HUNDREDS, _THOUSANDS,_ OF PEOPLE HIMSELF, KAZUMI!"

"I DON'T CARE!"

Minato looked adorably confused as he watched the free-for-all fight between father, daughter and reluctant son-in-law. Madara seemed to take advantage of the arguing/fighting duo and would sneak in blows and taunts when he could, trying to goad Kazumi into hitting her father at least once. As it was, Kazumi was doing a strange sort of bouncing around while screaming at the top of her lungs.

"I see what you mean." Hashirama said to the still cackling Sakura.

Then there was a poorly aimed/well aimed – depends on who is asked – fireball included in the messy battle, followed by a _very_ manly scream.

"MY HAIR! MY FUCKING HAIR! THAT'S _IT_! WAIFU, SIT YOUR ASS DOWN, I'LL HANDLE IT FROM HERE!"

The fight simply escalated from that point onwards.

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.:│:::│:.

* * *

 **Just leaving this here... I'm sorry for my absence... don't know when another update for this or any of the other stories, but better this than nothing.**


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